Quitting feels good

She quit being a HOPA

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I like quitting. It’s easy.  All I have to do is to stop doing whatever it is that is causing me discomfort.  If I’m exercising, it feels good to quit before the reps that really burn.  If I’m watching my diet, it feels good to quit when the canoli at the bakery counter looks extra delicious. I might call it a break or be even more honest and call it a “cheat,” but what it really is – quitting – feels good.

I have to honest with you. I’ve quit more times than I care to remember, much less admit.  And at the time, the excuses always make perfect sense.  You can’t finish that book, you have other things to do. You can’t stick to that running program, you don’t have enough time.  And every time that I didn’t pick up the book, I felt good watching TV. Every time I didn’t run, I felt good sleeping in. 

But I’ve come to realize, that while quitting feels good – being awesome feels great.  And being awesome means that I get it done, get it in, and get it on even when I don’t feel like it (see earlier post).  One of the best feelings in the world to me is when I finish the day’s exercise regimen that I had spend 15 minutes trying to talk myself out of doing (it might also have to do with the fact that working out releases endorphins, but there’s no need to split hairs right now). Regardless of the activity, sticking to it and finishing feels great.

So my advice for today is stick to it…there is no doubt something awesome that you gave up on. The finish line may have seemed too far away. The light at the end of the tunnel may have seemed too dim. And quitting just seemed to feel too good. And since I know that we don’t like to quit doing something that feels good, I’ll allow you to quit one more thing: Quitting.

Pic lifted from The Chive.

The Awesomeness of Self-Reference

Frame of reference par excellence

Personal Assessment

I’ve spent….excuse me, wasted an unreasonable amount of my time worrying about how others thought of me. To that end, I’ve wasted an unreasonable amount of time not being me.  And as awesome as I may have been perceived to be by any number of people, if I was not genuinely me then I was not really that awesome.  I may have successfully portrayed a character and won your approval. I may have played the role and made you smile. But the second that I removed the mask and the costume and discarded the script – who could I say that I was?

Conclusion

Awesomeness follows self-actualization. Self-actualization involves being you on your own terms and doing it to the fullest.

Consultation

When your self-image is based solely on the feedback that you receive from others – in the form of acceptance, praise, and appreciation, or even envy, disdain, and malice – then you become secondary in your own life. You are merely a reflection of someone else’s ideas and intentions. You are a character in someone else’s play. There is nothing awesome about that.

Trivia

I like brevity.

Thank you, Don Cornelius

Evidence of #72 AND #6

Note: Before this begins, you don’t need to ask if there is a Soul Train DVD box set in my household: There is.  And I have been meaning to have a Soul Train themed party where said DVDs are played exclusively providing both musical and visual entertainment for my guests. It’ll likely be a bar-b-q. BTW, I have declared today as "Soul Train Appreciation Day." Get down how you live.

There are at least 100 things that I can thank Don Cornelius for, randomly selected items include:

#72. Keeping an immaculately shaped Afro

#33. Bringing this commercial to the world; where the ghost of Frederick Douglass has to incarnate to tell a dude to get his Afro right

#6. Being a paragon of sartorial distinction

#2. Creating Soul Train

Anyone would at this point wonder, “Why is creating Soul Train #2? That show had wide reaching cultural impact as an example of the influence of black music, fashion, and dance. As well, Cornelius’ entrepreneurship is inspirational.” And I would of course agree with your point.  But what Cornelius accomplished was merely the evidence and result of an attitude and philosophy that I remember his sharing with us. “Love, Peace, and Soul?” Not that one. It was…

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.”

I’m not even sure that Don Cornelius coined the phrase. As a matter of fact, a Google search attributes it to 3 different people – none of whom are Cornelius.  But my mind clearly recalls seeing Don Cornelius in a green velvet 3 piece suit holding a two-foot long microphone and saying it directly to me.

So what was "The Don" telling me? He was telling me to set lofty goals, even seemingly impossible ones. And in the attempt to meet these goals, I will still achieve something amazingly worthwhile.  So even if I don’t meet my goal of being featured in Men’s Health or Men’s Fitness, I’ll still get into great shape.  Even if I don’t learn Mandarin in two weeks, I’ll still be able to introduce myself and ask directions from a Chinese delegation from Fujian province.  And even if the Awesomeness Consultant doesn’t become a huge brand that leads to a series of books and a broadcast show, I still would have shared my adulation of Don Cornelius, Game of Thrones, Ron Swanson, honey badgers, Daniel Larusso, and all things awesome. And hopefully that will mean something to somebody.  

Until next time…Love, Peace, and Soul.

That's not me

You guessed correctly...that's not me

Once again, the AWESOMENESS that is Game of Thrones inspires a post. And while I should’ve written about the wolves by now, alas I still haven’t. This time, the goods come from Arya Stark, the young tomboyish daughter of Lord Stark. As the good book says, “Out of the mouth of babes…”

This week we only see her for a scene as she is completely engaged in her practice to become a master swordsman – talking of balancing on one toe for hours and catching cats. When warned by her father that she may suffer a hard tumble down the stairs, her (paraphrased) retort is that there is always a lesson in pain. And as good as that nugget is – it’s not even the most awesome thing that she said.

Young Arya questions why she can’t be a knight. Her father attempts to soothe her by describing a future where she is the wife of a noble lord who bears sons who will be knights, lords, and advisors to the king. As lofty a dream as this would be for any little girl, our young heroine rejects it saying “No, that’s not me.” Here we find her awesomeness most awesomely displayed.

It is always difficult to express ourselves genuinely and to actualize the being within – and even more when that expression is the complete opposite of every institutionally conventional image. To say “This is me” is awesome – it is the utterance of a free soul, unfettered and empowered. It is the voice of the risen phoenix, assuming its noble perch in all its splendor.  But to say “No, that’s not me” – that’s another animal. That is the utterance of a fighter, challenging the impositions, assumptions, and limitations being forced upon it.  This is a cat that will be nothing less than a lion. This is the queen without a crown that claims her sovereign right to will demanding her power be relinquished.  This is courage and resolve – and it will become an unyielding strength.

I know that many of us are sitting under the burden of an image that has been projected upon us – an image that we have not yet had the courage to reject.  So, start small…say to yourself - “That’s not me” as you watch a YouTube video of a honey badger. Then work your way up until when you are confronted with the binding limitations of an institutional role you can reject it with the courage and conviction of a little girl.

P.S. For all of the fans of Game of Thrones, I found a cool illustrated guide to the houses. Check it out:

Incomparably Awesome

Sure you're bigger than me...but you're not better

I like to read blogs other than my own.  I regularly follow quite a few, and they have had tremendous impact on my development as a blogger thus far. Amongst my favorites is Very Smart Brothas. Its primarily a relationship blog – and I love its humor, creativity, snarkiness, and intelligence. With that being said, the great respect for the writers of this blog and the blog itself was almost the undoing of The Awesomeness Consultant. Why? Because I made the critical mistake of comparing my blog to theirs.

You see, a post on Very Smart Brothas is (toward the high end) gonna get in the neighborhood of 1000 comments. A post on The Awesomeness Consultant is (toward the high end) gonna get in the neighborhood of 4. And if I just throw the math out there and say that they get 250 times as many comments as me, it sounds pretty bad. Not “pretty” bad, but “I’m not gonna blog anymore because I obviously suck” bad. Needless to say, I’ve obsessed over getting more readers, more followers, and of course, more comments.  So I read and re-read posts at VSB hoping to discover the philosopher’s stone. What was the secret formula that eluded me? How could I too perfectly blend humor, wisdom, sarcasm, and pop-culture reference?  What is the key to transmutation? Reveal thy wonders VSB!

Then the realization occurred that made me understand that I was going about the whole thing the wrong way: I’m The Awesomeness Consultant not Very Smart Brothas.  There are a million reasons why they are where they are, the least of which is not that fact that they’ve been doing this for three years and have over 700 posts. In contrast, I’ve been doing this for 1.5 months and have…hold on let me check…16 posts.  I should slap myself shouldn’t I?

So I came to the conclusion that comparing yourself to someone else will invariably lead to two places:

Misplaced contentment with self – At this destination, you have compared yourself to someone else and have found yourself to be “superior.” Understand that this feeling of superiority is a completely manufactured product of your ego – and it is false. You are not superior.

Misplaced discontentment with self – At this destination, you have compared yourself to someone else and have found yourself to be “inferior.” Understand that this feeling of inferiority is a completely manufactured product of your ego – and it is false. You are not inferior.

You’re probably thinking…Wait AC, those sound like the same place. And my response is…Yup, just with different scenery.

The only person that you can reliably measure yourself against with any validity is YOU. Everything that makes you who you are – your ambitions, your failures, your philosophies, your fears, your strengths – makes any external measure/standard completely unfit and useless. Why? Because you are incomparably awesome.