Rejection, Motivation, and Awesomeness

I should be embarrassed to still have this

What you see is a message from my now defunct Myspace music page, circa 06. [I call it defunct, but it’s still there – I just do absolutely nothing with it like 99% of the former Myspace users.] This message is the response to my solicitation of an “expert opinion” about the music posted on said page. The expert opinion came from 88 Keys, a hip-hop producer whose discography includes work for: Mos Def, Talib Kweli, Macy Gray, Beanie Siegel, and most recently Kanye West and Jay-Z on Watch the Throne. I don’t remember what songs were on the page at that time, but I’m pretty sure that I liked them. No. I’m certain that I liked them, and that I regarded them as unpolished gems of immeasurable worth. So, thinking that I had royal gems, I went to get them appraised…and the appraiser said they were rocks.

I actually remember the day clearly. I logged in to my page and was delighted that I had received a response. I did not expect a successful producer to take the time to respond to my request. So with trepidation and excitement I opened the message: “The writing's ok but the flow, voice & beats leaves much to be desired. Aight... Chill!”

My heart sank. He said that I sucked. But the bitter pain of the rejection was quickly replaced with disgusted anger for his corny valediction: “Aight... Chill!” I am fully aware that anger is a defense mechanism, but still… Who says that?

Anyway, I resolved to make Mr. Keys eat his words one day when he came begging to produce a song for me. Childish? Of course. But, this dismissal of my talent was motivation – and for the next couple of weeks I would open it periodically. The first few times, I felt the gut punch all over again and the feelings of anger, rejection, motivation, and vengeance would wash over me. Soon enough, I forgot about the whole thing.  The motivating desire for vindication faded, and I went back to living life exactly as I had before.  I made more songs afterwards and enjoyed them immensely. And never once did I feel Mr. Keys’ cold gaze of judgment.

At the end of the day “expert opinions” are like any other opinion – pretty much disposable. They have only as much power as you give them. You set the value of your own gems, and defy anyone to appraise them otherwise. You are the only critic that matters and your personal desire for your own awesomeness is the only motivation that matters. Aight... Chill!! (see?)